While etiquette is a huge part of weddings, nothing is set in stone and often not only do the rules change with time, they can also change from couple to couple, wedding to wedding. Some couples choose to have a very relaxed, low-key wedding where many of the traditional etiquette guidelines do not apply while the next couple wants to keep tradition alive.
However, there are some rules, or “Dos and Don’ts”, that apply to all weddings regardless of the theme or style.
1. Probably the most cardinal wedding rule – DO NOT show up to the ceremony drunk. It is perfectly fine to have some celebratory champagne with your bridesmaids, or for the guys a celebratory shot of aged whiskey, prior to the ceremony. But, be sure that is where you stop. No one wants to see you stumble down the aisle in your gorgeous dress or slur your vows. Keep the bulk of your drinking for the later hours of your reception after dinner, toasts and all the special dances.
2. DO choose your first dance song to be something that is special to you. Do not worry about whether people will like it, or won’t get the song meaning. 75% of guests actually only pay attention to the first 10 seconds of your dance. The dance is for YOU as newlyweds. Not for your guests.
3. When giving your bridal party thank-you gifts DO NOT give them something with your names and wedding date on it. Give them something personal that they will be able to use and enjoy. You also do not have to give them all the same item, but keep the items comparable in price. Have a bridesmaid who loves red wine? Get her a pair of monogrammed wine glasses (her initials, of course!). Have a groomsman who loves specialty cigars? Give him a mix and match variety pack from his favorite brand. This will show your attendants that you truly value them as friends and family and put thought into how you wanted to thank them.
4. DO NOT be afraid to go against tradition and allow the groom to see you before you walk down the aisle. Some photographers will do the wedding party shots before the ceremony instead of after. You can benefit from this in two ways. First, you get to see each other before the wedding and kill all those nerves you have. You can have your photographer set it up to capture the looks on your faces the first time he sees you in that dress! Second of all, you can then attend the cocktail hour (if there is one) between the ceremony and reception to mingle and spend time with your guests instead of being tucked away taking pictures.
5. DO NOT feel as though you must jet away to your honeymoon immediately after the wedding. Its ok to take a day in between the wedding and the honeymoon to wind down and prepare for your departure. The last week leading up to the wedding is crazy enough. Having to pack on top of that just adds another stressful task. Taking a day in between allows you to spend some time with out of town guests and family (such as hosting a brunch) and pack at your own leisure to ensure you don’t forget anything.
6. DO ask your make-up artist to use waterproof mascara. Self-explanatory.
7. DO NOT expect things to be perfect. You must always operate under the assumption that something will go wrong so that if it does, you are prepared. You can either have a perfect day or a happy day. Many brides realize after the wedding that even if a thing or two did go wrong, the happiness surrounding the event greatly overshadowed any slip-ups and would still describe it as the perfect day.
8. DO be true to yourself and go for the things you want, not the things the bridal magazines tell you are “in”. Don’t want a photo booth and are still mesmerized by ice sculptures even though they are supposedly “out”? So what!? Get an ice sculpture. Everything comes back into fashion eventually, you could start a new “re-trend”.
9. DO try on wedding gowns in different styles. DO NOT get too wrapped up in your “dream gown”. Many times brides put on their dream gown and it turns out, it doesn’t look as great on them as it did on the model. The style of dress they absolutely did. not. want. is the kind they ended up liking the best. Every bride would love to take home a Pnina Tornai, Kenneth Pool or Monique Lhuillier gown, however, in reality most bridals gowns cost only a fraction of what you see on Say Yes to the Dress, so be extra cautious watching that show. Its fun to dream, but the brides you see on that show are not everyday brides.
10. DO remind yourself to eat at your wedding. You spent a good amount of time tasting, trying and approving foods to serve….. make sure you get to enjoy them!
11. DO NOT lose your mind if someone steps on your gown a little when they lean in for a hug. It WILL happen, bustled dress or not, and by the end of the night you won’t care.
12. DO make sure in the months leading up to your wedding that you take time to do non-wedding things. Go to a friends birthday party. Have girls night out and ban any wedding talk. Go to a sports event with your guy and let him talk your ear off about how horrible the team’s defense is. By keeping things semi-normal you can help avoid that post wedding crash when you get home from your honeymoon and gasp! Its all over…. Now what? If you continue with your normal life during the wedding planning, its not as difficult to swing back into your normal life after the wedding.
13. DO read wedding blogs. They often give you info that sites like The Knot and Wedding Channel do not since blogs are less formal and speak from direct experience. ;-)
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